Mommy, You are not the Boss of Me!
“Can you please mind your kid?” those were the words that the manager whispered- not so quietly- to one of the patrons dining next to us. I was almost embarrassed for the not so young mother, because I could see her cheeks turning a bright red- even with her dark chocolate skin-as she looked over her shoulder towards the direction of the waiters sight. Here was her 8 year old son running around and crawling under tables and doing all sorts of things. The mother screamed out loudly for Bobby to come toward her, but she might as well have been talking to herself. Bobby, looked at her as if to say, "please" and went on to horsing around the room.
While I was embarrassed a bit for her, I was mostly annoyed. Here I am trying to have a nice dinner, and get away from the hustle and bustle of the outside world, and this young woman can't mind her kids. Did she not teach them any manners? And lets say she did, how dare he behave that way, so what was she going to do about it? In my opinions kids are fresh. They will always push the limits and that's no reflection on the great work the parent may have done. So perhaps she taught him better, but he just got bold. Maybe he was possessed. Something could have happened. The bigger issue wasn't his behavior, it was her reaction. So what was she going to do?
Being the Haitian that I am, thoughts of my mom and dad quickly sprung up. The thought of even behaving like that at a restaurant would not even occur to me age 8, and if I lost my mind, and the thought managed to creep into my mind, of course, I would reject it, and lets say I was a bold little one and I went beyond the stage of conjuring and then choosing to act, I'd know that once I was called on to stop, it was a must. A must that would be followed by god knows what. this "god knows what" is the part I was not brave enough to risk finding out.
So looking at the young boy named Bobby, I saw a bravery and arrogance that never existed in my youth, and I could not help but thank god I did not realize that my parents were really not as powerful as I thought. In my small mind, the fear of what could be done to me had I done something wrong was enough to keep me on track, even when I did not know what that thing was. "Mwen genyen pou mwen ba'w yon sel kout pye kraze tout dan'w", that statement is so funny. I mean really, would our parents really go Bruce Lee on us and break all our teeth. It didn't matter they never did it, I believed they could and thats all that matter. Thoughts of being smacked into tomorrow, having the black smacked off our skin and lord knows what else, are humorous now, but they regulated me! I truly believed they had the power to do it.
So who was Bobby's regulator? As a waiter finally caught him, and brought him over to his mother, she grabbed hold of his arm lightly and said in an almost teary voice, "why do you behave like this? that is not the way to conduct yourself young man? poukisa wap fe'm wont konsa? The litany of questions followed one after the other, pausing ever briefly, as if she was expecting an answer. Bobby, barely paid much attention and finally shouted, you are not the boss of me and within seconds was running around again. Looking at the scenario, I realized, yup, he won the battle, and as other incidents were sure to follow, she most likely had lost the whole war. As I turned back to look at my dinner plate, I wondered sadly, who was the boss of bobby, since it was not his mother.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Guys...Come on. Have some Manners! Dinner Date Etiquette
Dinner Dating Etiquette for the Gents!
All this talk about food and entertaining has me wondering about one other realm of dining: Date Dining. In these days of sexual and sex equality, it is hard to write about this subject in a fashion that will make sense to everyone. Thus, I will not attempt to do so. I will write about it in the way that will make sense to some and not so much sense to others. Recently I decided to take a bit of a breather from catering, book signings, writing articles, and plain old epavism, do nothing spirit, and explore the dating scene. And in my exploration, this article came to mind. Thus, fellows, if you want to get your date raving about you to her friends take these tips into consideration on your next dinner date.
Make it HERcentric
I always considered, and still do, consider myself a modern gal. Meaning I don’t think it is the guy’s responsibility to take out the trash, or that it is my job to rear our children. I have forgone many of the various gender based societal restrictions put forth on the sexes and have opted for a more logical way of living. If it so happen I see the trash is full, I will take it out. If my mate happens to get home from work before me, it would make sense he would cook. It’s about us doing the best we can, when we can.
But in the world of dating, I am a tad bit more restrictive-at least initially. If a man has taken the liberty to ask a woman out to dinner, it is his duty to ensure that the evening is very HERcentric. That entails a some work on his part.
Pre Dinner
* It is best you pick up your date. Even in 2010, this still does impress a woman to be picked up for a date. I drive. So it is my natural tendency to simply say, I will meet you there. But the times that a man does say, “no, don’t worry, I will pick you up”, I realize how much that warms my heart! If you live in Manhattan or are dining in Manhattan perhaps this is not so necessary because New Yorkers take the subway everywhere, but still make the effort to pick her up whenever possible.
* Ensure that the restaurant you choose is to her taste. This can be taken care of with a basic conversation. I recommend having a conversation that will at least you give a sense of what type of food she likes. Upon knowing what type of food, it is best you pick a restaurant. Its definitely cool points for you, to pick a great place without having to spend 20 minutes on the phone with your soon-to-be-date trying to decide. That’s very high school. It was fun then, but not fun over the age of 25.
* Make reservations. We love being able to walk into a restaurant and to simply give our name and be guided to a table as we watch non-reservation makers stand there in envy. So, please go the extra mile and make that reservation and be on time.
* Things like opening the car door, opening the door to the restaurant, extending her your arm as she exits the car, etc. still hold a lot of weight. I still find it endearing when a man moves me to the inside part of the sidewalk (closer to the buildings and away from traffic) while we are walking together. Little gestures make a big difference. Do them!
During Dinner
* It is important to engage your date in the decision process. Upon looking at the menu for a minute or two, it is always nice to ask her what she’s thinking, and what direction she wants to lead. Make the meal a joint effort and use the time to get to know each other a bit better.
* If your dinner arrives first for whatever reason, it is best practice to wait for hers to arrive before your start to chow down. If you are starving and they are taking too long you can get around this (assuming you two have reached that comfort level), by making a joke. You can simply say something along the lines of, “well, since it seems my food will get cold before they even start to kill the chicken to make yours, I say you dig into mine for the time being. My mama always told me that sharing is caring.” Of course at this point, you should smile. If she refuses, you are back to square one. Wait for hers to arrive. Even if she insist you go ahead.
* Slow your role. It is important you pace yourself. Don’t eat as if you are eating with your football buddies. Glance over at her plate every now and then and try not to finish your meal before her, or at least not way before. As a woman, even I had to learn this because I am a very fast eater(I am always rushing), but on dates, I have learned it is not so cool to east your meal in 5 minutes, and spend the remaining 30 watching the other person eat.
Paying & Tipping
o If you invite a woman out to dinner, you should always pay. Even if she offers, tell her no. Tell her she can pay the next time, when she takes you out to eat. And it’s good practice to tip the customary 15% . It shows her that you are not cheap. No woman wants a cheap guy, even if she herself is a cheapo. At least she doesn’t want him to be cheap with her. In the tipping process, please learn to do some basic math in your head. Its not too attractive either to pull out a calculator to determine what is 15% of $61. in NYC, easiest rule is to double the tax since tax is (8.375%).
All this talk about food and entertaining has me wondering about one other realm of dining: Date Dining. In these days of sexual and sex equality, it is hard to write about this subject in a fashion that will make sense to everyone. Thus, I will not attempt to do so. I will write about it in the way that will make sense to some and not so much sense to others. Recently I decided to take a bit of a breather from catering, book signings, writing articles, and plain old epavism, do nothing spirit, and explore the dating scene. And in my exploration, this article came to mind. Thus, fellows, if you want to get your date raving about you to her friends take these tips into consideration on your next dinner date.
Make it HERcentric
I always considered, and still do, consider myself a modern gal. Meaning I don’t think it is the guy’s responsibility to take out the trash, or that it is my job to rear our children. I have forgone many of the various gender based societal restrictions put forth on the sexes and have opted for a more logical way of living. If it so happen I see the trash is full, I will take it out. If my mate happens to get home from work before me, it would make sense he would cook. It’s about us doing the best we can, when we can.
But in the world of dating, I am a tad bit more restrictive-at least initially. If a man has taken the liberty to ask a woman out to dinner, it is his duty to ensure that the evening is very HERcentric. That entails a some work on his part.
Pre Dinner
* It is best you pick up your date. Even in 2010, this still does impress a woman to be picked up for a date. I drive. So it is my natural tendency to simply say, I will meet you there. But the times that a man does say, “no, don’t worry, I will pick you up”, I realize how much that warms my heart! If you live in Manhattan or are dining in Manhattan perhaps this is not so necessary because New Yorkers take the subway everywhere, but still make the effort to pick her up whenever possible.
* Ensure that the restaurant you choose is to her taste. This can be taken care of with a basic conversation. I recommend having a conversation that will at least you give a sense of what type of food she likes. Upon knowing what type of food, it is best you pick a restaurant. Its definitely cool points for you, to pick a great place without having to spend 20 minutes on the phone with your soon-to-be-date trying to decide. That’s very high school. It was fun then, but not fun over the age of 25.
* Make reservations. We love being able to walk into a restaurant and to simply give our name and be guided to a table as we watch non-reservation makers stand there in envy. So, please go the extra mile and make that reservation and be on time.
* Things like opening the car door, opening the door to the restaurant, extending her your arm as she exits the car, etc. still hold a lot of weight. I still find it endearing when a man moves me to the inside part of the sidewalk (closer to the buildings and away from traffic) while we are walking together. Little gestures make a big difference. Do them!
During Dinner
* It is important to engage your date in the decision process. Upon looking at the menu for a minute or two, it is always nice to ask her what she’s thinking, and what direction she wants to lead. Make the meal a joint effort and use the time to get to know each other a bit better.
* If your dinner arrives first for whatever reason, it is best practice to wait for hers to arrive before your start to chow down. If you are starving and they are taking too long you can get around this (assuming you two have reached that comfort level), by making a joke. You can simply say something along the lines of, “well, since it seems my food will get cold before they even start to kill the chicken to make yours, I say you dig into mine for the time being. My mama always told me that sharing is caring.” Of course at this point, you should smile. If she refuses, you are back to square one. Wait for hers to arrive. Even if she insist you go ahead.
* Slow your role. It is important you pace yourself. Don’t eat as if you are eating with your football buddies. Glance over at her plate every now and then and try not to finish your meal before her, or at least not way before. As a woman, even I had to learn this because I am a very fast eater(I am always rushing), but on dates, I have learned it is not so cool to east your meal in 5 minutes, and spend the remaining 30 watching the other person eat.
Paying & Tipping
o If you invite a woman out to dinner, you should always pay. Even if she offers, tell her no. Tell her she can pay the next time, when she takes you out to eat. And it’s good practice to tip the customary 15% . It shows her that you are not cheap. No woman wants a cheap guy, even if she herself is a cheapo. At least she doesn’t want him to be cheap with her. In the tipping process, please learn to do some basic math in your head. Its not too attractive either to pull out a calculator to determine what is 15% of $61. in NYC, easiest rule is to double the tax since tax is (8.375%).
Friday, October 23, 2009
A Chef I am not...a Master yes!
For a very long time I was confused as to the role I played in this world called food...yes I had a catering business, yes I did most of the cooking, I designed my menus, planned them and executed them. Yet, I was not a chef. I was not a chef, however, I know food. And I know food very well. So after years of battling and struggling and trying to come up with an answer that made sense, I finally decided, hell with it. I love cooking, I love feeding people and I enjoy making money doing it. LOL. So what I don't have a degree. It made almost no sense to me, to go attend a culinary program to obtain an associates degree when I already had a bachelors, all for a whopping $40,000 a year. I couldnt. I wouldn't.
It took me a while to get over the insecurity of not having a degree. I mean after all, you go to school to be the master of your chosen field right? Be the nerd that I was, it bothered me for years. Until one day, I woke up and looked around and saw, I had built a business centered around food, with no training.(well no formal training)
Im sure certain things would have been easier had I gone to culinary school or attained some kind of hospitality certificate, but I do not regret it one bit the way I did it. I am proud to know that I took the time and devoted the energy to learn what I do...and I do it well.
I have a close friend who refuses to do anything until she has received "proper" training. it use to irk me to no end. But then I said to myself, some of us need that and it's ok. But for me, I have realized, passion, drive and motivation can push you to learn just as much outside the classroom as you would inside.
It took me a while to get over the insecurity of not having a degree. I mean after all, you go to school to be the master of your chosen field right? Be the nerd that I was, it bothered me for years. Until one day, I woke up and looked around and saw, I had built a business centered around food, with no training.(well no formal training)
Im sure certain things would have been easier had I gone to culinary school or attained some kind of hospitality certificate, but I do not regret it one bit the way I did it. I am proud to know that I took the time and devoted the energy to learn what I do...and I do it well.
I have a close friend who refuses to do anything until she has received "proper" training. it use to irk me to no end. But then I said to myself, some of us need that and it's ok. But for me, I have realized, passion, drive and motivation can push you to learn just as much outside the classroom as you would inside.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
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